Poor self esteem costs a woman her life after butt injections.

 

 

  

      A young toddler boy has to live the rest of his life without a mother. His mother suffered from poor self-esteem and a lack of self-confidence, and as a result lost her life due to silicone toxicity. 
     I can't find the perfect group of words to describe how grieved I am to hear about beautiful people risking their lives to enhance their physical beauty, but I am able to express how living without self-confidence can provoke dangerous life circumstances. Dangers such as: suicide, murder, drug abuse, alcoholism, mental illness, child molestation, rape, divorce, torn families and a slew of other revolting issues that are sweeping across our country.  One of the main causes is the lack of self-confidence. This may sound all too simple and more like a mere opinion rather than an actual assessment; but empirical studies spanning over 15 years have revealed that self-confidence contributes to the health and quality of life (oxfordjournals.org). 
     Don't believe it? Well, how do you explain a 22 year old young woman leaving her baby boy without his mother because she decided that having a bigger butt was more important than her health and life? The NYPD rushed to a horrific scene and discovered Tamara Blaine foaming at the mouth and having a seizure in a New York hotel room; July 2013. Reason? Blaine paid Tamira Mobley, 28, to perform a butt enhancement procedure which included the injection of silicone into her butt. Mobley was a non-professional without any medical training who performed the risky procedure which led to Blaine's death. 
     Tamara Blaine did not have to die this way but something in her mind (or the lack thereof) had her to believe a big butt was essential to her life. I suspect that Tamara was not happy with herself and did not have the self-confidence to believe her unique qualities were enough to live a fulfilling life. Self-Confidence is believing in one's abilities, qualities, and judgment and she obviously did not have that. If she had confidence in her abilities then she would have understood that a big butt could not enhance her as a person, especially as a mother. Tamara could not have had confidence in her qualities because a person who does-understands that one's qualities isn't solely measured by physical appearance. There is no need to discuss her judgment because if she had confidence in her judgment she would have at least saved up enough money to pay a professionally trained plastic surgeon to perform the procedure for her. Instead she used poor judgment and put her life in the hands of a scoundrel.
     If you get nothing else from Tamara Blaine's story, please realize the urgency to build your confidence and to help others build theirs. It can be a matter of life or death.
    

"Self-esteem in a broad-spectrum approach for mental health promotion."Health Education Research. oxfordjournals, 15 June, 2004.
   

The # 1 reason people struggle with self-confidence

          If you look inside of your wallet and see that you only have $5.00 what will you most likely say? "Ah shucks, I wish I hadn't just spent all of my money because now I only have $5.00 left." Or do you look in your wallet and say, "Ah yes, even though I spent all of that money I still have $5.00 left!"

        Did you catch the difference? Did you catch how the first example focused on what wasn't there and the second example focused on what was? Let me be a little more specific, the first statement gives an example of a person who was not only looking for disappointment, but expecting it. He looked inside of his wallet and expressed disappointment because of what wasn't there. He reacted as if he had no idea he spent all of his money. Knowing all of his money was spent he decided to find a reason to feel down about it.

        In the second example she looked in her wallet and automatically focused on what was there. She too, knew that all of her money was spent, so what would be the point of expressing disappointment when she knew no money was there? 

       Let's look at two more examples: "If I were married and had a two income household I wouldn't be broke."

     "One day I'll be married and my financial stability may change with a dual income household, but for now I have a great savings plan in place."

            As you can see the person in the second example knows that a two income household would be better but he focuses on what he does have. This brings me to the point that the #1 reason people struggle with low self-confidence is because they often focus on what they DON'T have. If you're always identifying what's missing then you never shed light on what's there. Something will always be missing, and if something is always missing you'll never feel like you've accomplished anything.   Your confidence can't develop this way. Regardless of how bad things are you need to always look at what you DO have instead of what's missing. Confidence is built by believing in your abilities and feeling successful about your accomplishments, but you have to be able to see your abilities and recognize an accomplishment. This will rarely happen if you train your mind to always look for what’s missing. 

      Even during the worst, most sad, and ever so disappointing times, you have to find your victory. Confident people aren't victims.

Why can't I just be "HER!"

    

       The building where I work is adjacent to an even bigger building that's full of Lawyers and court reporters. It's a normal thing to see men dressed in suits, women stepping in expensive heels and sporting blingerism on their necks and wrists, and a sea of Mercedes and BMW's in the parking garage. I can only imagine what a day in the life of one of these big time attorney's is like. Some of them represent for high profile celebrity cases, others represent big name corporations, and even the mediocre lawyers have clients that are looking forward to settlements in the hundred thousand’s; so these lawyers’ pockets are fat. Oh yes, these are the people to envy, and their lives are definitely coveted.

       Most days when I take a lunch break, I sit at one of the outside tables in the heavily landscaped court yard to enjoy the beautiful view. I can get lost in thought while admiring the sparkling stairwell waterfall, the majestic angel statue that watches over the yard, and the beautiful people who walk by. With every person that walks past I wonder how wonderful of a life they’re living. 

         One particular day when I was leaving work and headed to my car someone caught my attention. Usually when I get off work I'm exhausted and can't get to my car fast enough. But this day as I was approaching the garage and getting my keys ready in hand, I looked slightly to my right and noticed a beautiful woman. She was wearing a $1000 suit, $200 heels, and carrying a genuine leather briefcase (I really have no idea how much her suit or shoes were, or if the briefcase was even genuine). I slowed down from being in such a hurry to get to my car because curiosity pulled me back like it had a leash around my neck. I had to stop and watch this woman's glide, and admire how graceful and confident she carried herself. She was breathtakingly beautiful and for a split second I wanted to be her. I wanted the $1000 suit, the $200 heels, the leather briefcase, and the breathtaking beauty. For the brief moment that I gawked at her hundreds of thoughts were running through my mind. My subconscious mind uploaded my entire life into my consciousness, and my brain sped to scan mode within 30 seconds. I was mentally scanning my life and it seemed horrible compared to hers. I looked at my 3 year old $200 dollar suit, my $50 heels bought on clearance, and the little tote bag I carried that conveniently held my lunch and folders. I began to tear up when she chirped her car, and the headlights of a 2014 red e class Mercedes Benz parked in a reserved spot flashed on and off. I looked down at my keys hanging from my hand and felt disgusted. My 13 year old Mitsubishi Montero with the dent in the back was parked all the way on the 4th level in the garage, and there isn't a chirp in the world loud enough to be heard from that far (not to mention I didn't have a chirper). 

         My "Yay, I’m so happy to be off and go home to a cold glass of wine", turned into a '"Damn, what a pitiful life I'm about to go home to." After I watched this glamorous woman drive off in her $150,000 car I continued on and took the long walk to the elevator. As I moved in slow motion and thought about how this woman had just ruined my day, the reality of my life escaped my mind. I'd forgotten about the book I wrote and self- published two years prior. I didn't bother to think about the group of girls that I mentored at a foster home for at risk youth. It totally slipped my mind that I was starting my own business geared towards helping women build confidence. I was on my way home to a wonderful family that loved me and was eagerly waiting for my arrival. Right before I saw that woman excitement was in my heart about how close I was to completing my next book. My goals were in motion and I had a plan. WTF! 

      Though, this woman was absolutely stunning and attention stealing, I still didn't know anything about her life and what she had to do to get where she was. Her journey could've started out just like my journey. She could've been the one with the rusty keys in her hand taking the long walk to her antique car. Maybe she'd one day made a mistake and compared herself to someone whom was a complete stranger. I had no idea what this woman's life was like. 

     After I realized what I had done disappointment came over me. I had compared my entire life to a complete stranger who I'd never seen before. I compared my self-worth to another person’s image that I encountered for just a brief moment. I felt pitiful when I'd IMAGINED the perfection of this woman; instead of just acknowledging her beauty while keeping in my mind that my life was rich. My blessings were rolling like the Horse Heaven Hills in Washington state, my joy went deep like the ocean, and my dreams were as big and wide as the sky. So, why on God's green earth did I allow something that I saw with my eyes to deter what I felt with my heart? I don't know.

         How foolish I was, but never again. My ultimate goal was to be aspirational to others, therefore, my journey was necessary. It's good to be me.