If you look inside of your wallet and see that you only have $5.00 what will you most likely say? "Ah shucks, I wish I hadn't just spent all of my money because now I only have $5.00 left." Or do you look in your wallet and say, "Ah yes, even though I spent all of that money I still have $5.00 left!"
Did you catch the
difference? Did you catch how the first example focused on what wasn't there
and the second example focused on what was? Let me be a little more specific,
the first statement gives an example of a person who was not only looking for
disappointment, but expecting it. He looked inside of his wallet and expressed
disappointment because of what wasn't there. He reacted as if he had no idea he
spent all of his money. Knowing all of his money was spent he decided to find a
reason to feel down about it.
In the
second example she looked in her wallet and automatically focused on what was
there. She too, knew that all of her money was spent, so what would be the point
of expressing disappointment when she knew no money was there?
Let's look at
two more examples: "If I were married and had a two income household I
wouldn't be broke."
"One day I'll be married
and my financial stability may change with a dual income household, but for now
I have a great savings plan in place."
As you can see the person in the second
example knows that a two income household would be better but he focuses on
what he does have. This brings me to the point that the #1 reason people
struggle with low self-confidence is because they often focus on what they
DON'T have. If you're always identifying what's missing then you never shed
light on what's there. Something will always be missing, and if something is
always missing you'll never feel like you've accomplished anything. Your confidence can't develop this way. Regardless of how bad things are you need to always look at what you DO have
instead of what's missing. Confidence is built by believing in your abilities
and feeling successful about your accomplishments, but you have to be able to
see your abilities and recognize an accomplishment. This will rarely happen if
you train your mind to always look for what’s missing.
Even during the
worst, most sad, and ever so disappointing times, you have to find your
victory. Confident people aren't victims.
