Sooooooo, After leaving the town where I grew up and moving to another state for several years, I decided to go back home so that I could be closer to my friends and family. My adrenaline was pumping and excitement was gushing through my veins. Though it was bitter sweet because I was leaving a state that was beautiful, and to most people it's paradise, I decided that home was where my heart was.
I really didn't know what to expect when I got home, but I at least expected for my loved ones to approach me with open arms. Well, that didn't happen! The exact opposite happened and to my surprise I felt more lonely than I'd felt when I was in the other state.
But! And this is a big BUT....An old love of mine surfaced and reached out to me via social media not knowing that I was back in town. He randomly sent me a message on social media to see how I was doing and to basically say hello. It was if he smelled my presence in the air, or he felt my energy closer to him. I felt such a relief and was thankful that the heavens sent a friend that could give me a REAL home welcoming....
Not so fast....After only a few weeks of catching up with this old love of mine, things began to go sour. He really is a great guy and he has done well with himself, but his inner man hadn't changed much. He didn't seem to have evolved when it came to relationships/friendships with women. Or shall I say he didn't evolve when it came to his relationship/friendship with ME! Apparently his excitement to see me was not from the heart. His excitement came from the other part of the body that sits between...oh never mind. I think you get it.
After I tried to clarify in my own authentic way that we should be past the physical with each other and try to move towards building a more solid friendship, he shut shit down. I don't get it. It's all good to enjoy that special someone in a romantic and sensual, and oh so sexual way; but what's after that. Is it not normal for two friends to experience each other on a deeper more mature level?
Maybe I didn't use the right words to get my point across to him, or maybe I didn't handle it the right way when I came to him about it, but after 20 years of friendship I thought he understood me. I still loved him and wanted to be friends, but I wanted a friendship with him that would grow my mind and maturity, and not just arouse my sexual sense. I thought we had something deeper than sex.
Well, he said, "It's goodbye forever this time" and just that simple he pulled down the curtains; the show was over.
When do they grow up? When do they realize that building a friendship and growing wise and more mature with that person has more power than creating lustful memories?
Was he ever really my friend? Was our past love a misconception? Or, am I missing something?
Hmmmmmmm.....
