The building where I work is adjacent to an even bigger building that's full of
Lawyers and court reporters. It's a normal thing to see men dressed in suits,
women stepping in expensive heels and sporting blingerism on their necks and
wrists, and a sea of Mercedes and BMW's in the parking garage. I can only
imagine what a day in the life of one of these big time attorney's is like.
Some of them represent for high profile celebrity cases, others represent big
name corporations, and even the mediocre lawyers have clients that are looking
forward to settlements in the hundred thousand’s; so these lawyers’ pockets are
fat. Oh yes, these are the people to envy, and their lives are definitely coveted.
Most days when I take a lunch break, I sit at one of the outside tables in the
heavily landscaped court yard to enjoy the beautiful view. I can get lost in
thought while admiring the sparkling stairwell waterfall, the majestic angel
statue that watches over the yard, and the beautiful people who walk by. With
every person that walks past I wonder how wonderful of a life they’re
living.
One particular day when I was leaving work and headed to my car someone caught
my attention. Usually when I get off work I'm exhausted and can't get to my car
fast enough. But this day as I was approaching the garage and getting my keys
ready in hand, I looked slightly to my right and noticed a beautiful woman. She
was wearing a $1000 suit, $200 heels, and carrying a genuine leather briefcase
(I really have no idea how much her suit or shoes were, or if the briefcase was even
genuine). I slowed down from being in such a hurry to get to my car because
curiosity pulled me back like it had a leash around my neck. I had to stop and
watch this woman's glide, and admire how graceful and confident she carried
herself. She was breathtakingly beautiful and for a split second I wanted to be
her. I wanted the $1000 suit, the $200 heels, the leather briefcase, and the
breathtaking beauty. For the brief moment that I gawked at her hundreds of
thoughts were running through my mind. My subconscious mind uploaded my entire
life into my consciousness, and my brain sped to scan mode within 30 seconds. I
was mentally scanning my life and it seemed horrible compared to hers. I looked
at my 3 year old $200 dollar suit, my $50 heels bought on clearance, and the
little tote bag I carried that conveniently held my lunch and folders. I began
to tear up when she chirped her car, and the headlights of a 2014 red e class
Mercedes Benz parked in a reserved spot flashed on and off. I looked down at my
keys hanging from my hand and felt disgusted. My 13 year old Mitsubishi Montero
with the dent in the back was parked all the way on the 4th level in the
garage, and there isn't a chirp in the world loud enough to be heard from that
far (not to mention I didn't have a chirper).
My "Yay, I’m so happy to be off and go home to
a cold glass of wine", turned into a '"Damn, what a pitiful life I'm
about to go home to." After I watched this glamorous woman drive off in
her $150,000 car I continued on and took the long walk to the elevator. As I
moved in slow motion and thought about how this woman had just ruined my day,
the reality of my life escaped my mind. I'd forgotten about the book I wrote and
self- published two years prior. I didn't bother to think about the group of
girls that I mentored at a foster home for at risk youth. It totally slipped my
mind that I was starting my own business geared towards helping women build
confidence. I was on my way home to a wonderful family that loved me and
was eagerly waiting for my arrival. Right before I saw that woman excitement
was in my heart about how close I was to completing my next book. My goals were
in motion and I had a plan. WTF!
Though, this woman was absolutely stunning and attention stealing, I still
didn't know anything about her life and what she had to do to get where she
was. Her journey could've started out just like my journey. She could've been
the one with the rusty keys in her hand taking the long walk to her antique
car. Maybe she'd one day made a mistake and compared herself to someone whom
was a complete stranger. I had no idea what this woman's life was like.
After I realized what I had done disappointment came over me. I had compared my
entire life to a complete stranger who I'd never seen before. I compared my
self-worth to another person’s image that I encountered for just a brief
moment. I felt pitiful when I'd IMAGINED the perfection of this woman; instead
of just acknowledging her beauty while keeping in my mind that my life was
rich. My blessings were rolling like the Horse Heaven Hills in Washington
state, my joy went deep like the ocean, and my dreams were as big and wide as
the sky. So, why on God's green earth did I allow something that I saw with my
eyes to deter what I felt with my heart? I don't know.
How foolish I was, but never again. My ultimate goal was to be aspirational to
others, therefore, my journey was necessary. It's good to be me.
